protocol.

If you've spent any considerable time with me lately you may have noticed...I'm a wreck.  The med protocol is well under way and the time of feeling completely lost in it all is here.  Some days I do ok, and others bring unpleasant surprises like a leg ache, and hours and hours of the-headache-from-you-know-where.

 My stomach looks like a pin-cushion from the nightly Lupron injections and I can't remember what I was going to do or what I just did half the time when I walk into a room.  I have insomnia, where just a month ago I was sleeping great.  I am short and impatient with poor R and find myself getting VERY angry at random strangers who drive while on the phone and ignore the rules of the road.

In a couple weeks we {and I mean we, as R will get the pleasure of giving me the shots} start the PIO intramuscular shots.  I am thankful they start on a weekend and although we will be traveling some of the time too I won't be at work during the first week.  I am praying it all goes smoothly on that end of things too.  
 
I have a handy app on my phone now to help me keep track of all my vitamins and medications.  I am drinking water faithfully {with lemon yl oil added of course!} making sure I drink my red-leaf tea plus a shot of POM juice to help my lining, or something like that. 

If you've mentioned how excited you are for me, and that I could possibly be pregnant next month, and I've just basically stared or stammered back at you with a much lower level of enthusiasm it's because I just. Don't. Know.  I mean, I know it's exciting, and that God is going to do what is in HIS plan to do, and we can trust in that.  I just remember the heartaches and hurts from times before, the pain from the physical side of this and still no child in our arms.

 I want to believe, but I need help to believe.  It's a fine strand of hope, and I am so thankful for those who are helping to weave a thicker one for us in this journey!  

It's the many moments of emotions, and other times no feeling at all. It's the roller-coaster ride of hormones and all that comes with being on an ivf cycle for a frozen embryo transfer.

I decided I needed to memorized some scripture as sort of a "theme" to help me stay focused and encouraged.  I love Psalm 18 and I am focusing on this part of it ...vs. 28-30.  "The Lord my God lightens my darkness.  For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.  This God-his way is perfect;  the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him."