Mother's day used to make me cringe. I couldn't bear to see all the pictures on social media of little ones hugging their mommas and then going to church surrounded by pregnant bellies and chubby-armed toddlers as they celebrated this special day. I would paste a smile on and try and manage throughout the day but secretly wish it over quickly.
Year after year, month after month of negative tests and doctors that could only do so much to help I wondered if I would ever hear a little voice say " I love you Mommy."
Fast forward to present day and I have two precious boys who love me, though it's shown mostly through tackle-hugs, being begged to "tickle me again, Mommy" and playing with my makeup any chance they get. Deal. I'll take it. The thing is, going through that hurt and longing made me seek God so desperately as He was the only one who could truly fill my heart with what I needed. Now, as a mother and still a wife of course, I need Him to do this work in me as much as ever before. I still face discouragement, intense longing for more and better things and the realization that this world is not my final home.
Paul David Tripp writes in his devotional New Morning Mercies "Faith isn't natural for us, Doubt is, fear is, and pride is, but faith in the words and works of another isn't, and for that there's grace."
I am so thankful for that grace, let me tell you because I have nothing without it! If you are hurting today and feeling left out or unwanted, I've been there. Please don't go through it alone, seek God and rest in His unchanging nature and love. Find help through trusted friends or counseling. Hope is always waiting and you will find it.
Now on Mother's Day I no longer grieve for littles to call my own, but I grieve for those still waiting and those missing a life that once was. My prayer is that your heart will be filled with Christ's love for you and that you are comforted in tangible and also unseen ways.